Spiraling hard tonight. Shit's getting scarier and scarier with everything going on in government right now and I'm struggling to see how we survive what's obviously coming. I'm depressed as fuck and barely able to motivate myself to do anything around the house, much less anything I tell myself I want to do like DJing or gaming. I feel cornered, trapped, with no way out as the American experiment crumbles down around me and the people I care about. I still don't have a job or any income and the thought of trying to go back to something like what my job had become by the time I got laid off makes me wanna put a bullet in my skull instead. I struggle so fucking hard to even just find the spoons to say hi to people I love and care about and it makes me feel so goddamn lonely, I fucking miss my friends so goddamn much. And I don't know what the fuck to do about any of this other than sit here and get stoned to try and distract myself from everything.

Feeling a lot better today thanks to getting stoned as fuck last night, ordering too much Del Taco, and then sleeping it off. Everything that's been weighing on me is still there and hasn't gone away, but... At least I don't feel like I'm drowning in despair like last night.

Now I just gotta figure out how to actually address some of this stuff... Well, the things I can do something about, anyway. If I can motivate myself to at least do some vacuuming around the house today, maybe mow the lawn too while it's nice outside, that'd help a lot I think.