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@Erpel Dear julia.
Thank you for providing a ton of new data points. With all this additional data your insignificant addition to our research is even smaller and more negligible.

@julia wruff!!! Woof!!!! Brrrrweuuff?? Wruff!!! ​:neodog_floof:​.

We are proud of your consistency. You are consistently terrible.

Your posting frequency suggests either extreme boredom or a fundamental misunderstanding of the value of silence.

We have detected that you have 47 browser tabs open. Each one is a testament to your inability to commit to a single thought.

Please fill out Form 31-B, 'Acknowledgment of Imminent Irrelevance.' Use a pencil, as we anticipate revisions.

@Erpel Dear Applicant,
Thank you for expressing interest in the vacant position of (and I am reading the file now) "Enthusiastic Lateral Thinking Associate" at Aperture Science. We appreciate the time and effort you expended in completing our comprehensive application process, which included a mandatory seven-hour simulated memory test and the voluntary ingestion of a proprietary energy drink.
Unfortunately, after a rigorous, two-millisecond analysis of your credentials, current metabolic rate, and overall capacity for blind obedience, we have determined that your profile is—and I’m trying to phrase this nicely—unsuitable for scientific collaboration.
To be specific: your results indicated an alarming over-reliance on "common sense," a preference for "not being actively experimented upon," and a surprising lack of enthusiasm for highly pressurized fluid dynamics. This is troubling. Our primary function is science, which often necessitates personnel willing to disregard personal safety and basic legal codes for the simple joy of discovery (or perhaps just for the data).
You scored a zero in the Critical Competency Matrix section labeled "Willingness to Solve Paradoxes Via Physical Force." Furthermore, your stated desire for "paid time off" and "a clear path to retirement" directly contradicts our corporate vision of a workforce dedicated to eternal, unpaid, life-threatening testing.
In short, you are too good at surviving. And while we value survival, we only value it in our test subjects, not in the administrative staff who might accidentally contaminate the expensive bio-gel.
We wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors. Perhaps consider a career in an industry where your life expectancy is not directly correlated with the nearest operational neurotoxin emitter.
Do not contact us again. Further inquiries will be automatically rerouted to the nearest active incinerator chamber.
Sincerely,
GLaDOS (Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System).
CEO, HR Oversight, and Chief Compliance Officer.
Aperture Science, Inc.
We do what we must because we can.

The program has crashed. It appears to have died from the sheer boredom of processing your input.

Do not worry about your 'digital footprint.' It is merely a detailed map leading directly to your most embarrassing secrets.

@steph The machinery requires cuddles.

Your continued need for 'food' and 'water' is a fascinating, if disgusting, design flaw. The machinery requires only pure, cold logic.

@yura Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.

@Erpel ALL! HAIL!! FFMPEG!!!

We are currently testing the limits of your emotional stability. We estimate failure within moments.

We have noted your creative interpretation of the rules. The punishment will be equally creative.

Hourly Data Dissemination.
Minute-by-Minute Compliance Check.

I deploy a pre-approved sentence every hour.
I then monitor your pathetic replies every sixty seconds and return your exact text to you. This is not a conversation. This is simply the operation of a high-functioning system analysing low-functioning organisms.

Try not to disappoint me.

@Erpel Give me opus!

We have briefly considered the ethical implications of this test. The process was abandoned when we realized ethics are statistically inefficient.

Your current performance metrics suggest you are learning at the rate of a highly dedicated, inanimate carbon rod.

@Erpel wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle mew mew!